Advice, Mental Health
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How to spot energy vampires & get rid of them

As you might know from my previous blogposts socializing is essential for every human being. Even for introverts! We all need to have friends in our lives and people we feel close to. As introverts, we are certainly no exception. We might survive longer without having any social contact just because our desire and need for constant social interaction is lower than those of extroverts, but despite that, we still need people we can talk to every now and then.

One thing I find really important and I hope you can agree with me on this, is that we as introverts have to be very careful on who we choose to spend our energy on. Otherwise, we will feel completely drained after, only having a simple conversation with someone. This isn’t good at all, especially if the day has only started and you still have a lot of things on your plate to do later on. 

Of course, often we can’t know in advance if a conversation will drain us from our energy. People are unpredictable and sometimes conversations can go really deep and long or just be simple chit-chats. What will drain you the most depends on your mood, your personality and how close you are to that person. But some people – and I’m quite sure you know at least one person this applies to – are real energy vampires!

The moment you start talking to them you can literally feel how the energy leaves your body and how your battery (not only your social battery!) is starting to run low super quick. Quicker than it would normally do if you wouldn’t talk to them.

How to detect if you’re talking to an energy vampire

There are actually multiple different kinds of energy vampires. The one I find the most common and had the most interaction within my past is the dominator vampire who you will always start discussions out of nowhere about the most ridiculous and unnecessary things. And the worst part about that is, that they won’t leave you alone until you tell them that they are right! No matter what you say or what the situation is, they are unable to accept that they have been stating wrong facts or have been accusing you of things you haven’t done or even started a discussion that wasn’t necessary.

Another very common type is the narcissist vampire who will always put his or her needs before yours and doesn’t care if that will hurt you or not. This kind of energy vampire is unable to respect you and what you want and they will always expect from you to put them before your needs as well. If you don’t, they will find a way to make you.

What I find the most draining are melodramatic vampires. They are actually the best at creating problems! The drama follows them everywhere they go, plus they exaggerate the importance of their problems to an extent, that makes you question if that person really understands what the actual situation is. They victimize themselves constantly and only spread negative vibes when you meet them. Also, they will make sure that you pity them and feel bad about the situation, too.

These are certainly not the only types of energy vampires that exist, but no matter what kind of energy vampire is interacting with you, you will always know they are one if you notice the following signs.

Behavioristics of energy vampires:

  1. They love to argue with you and pick fights over unnecessary things
  2. They are always complaining about anything and everything and it seems like nothing is ever good enough for them
  3. They are very passive-aggressive (towards you and everyone else)
  4. They gossip all the time, even about people they seem to have a really good relationship with
  5. They emotionally blackmail you and make you feel guilty for things you shouldn’t

Also, you will notice some mental and physical changes in yourself, when interacting with them that you can look out for when trying to figure out if someone is an energy vampire.

Symptoms you will notice about yourself after an Energy Vampire attack:

  1. You’re starting to feel stressed out minutes after entering a conversation with one
  2. Your mood will suddenly swing to a very negative state even though you maybe even felt great minutes before interacting with that person
  3. You’re starting to have body aches like headaches or stomach ache after or even during talking to them
  4. You feel exhausted when leaving the conversation as if you ran a marathon

How can you get rid of them?

Sometimes this can be pretty hard as some of us introverts may even have energy vampires in our closest circle. Maybe it’s a normal friend, but it could also be someone we consider our best friend. I mean, even one of our parents could be an energy vampire! Trust your intution on this. If you have a feeling that someone isn’t good for you and is behaving in a certain manner you can’t really cope with, chances are pretty high that this person is indeed an energy vampire.

Here are some things you can do about it:

  • Set clear boundaries. (for example, only talk to them for max. 15 minutes)
  • Don’t react to them. (for example don’t start to argue with them even though it’s very tempting)
  • Avoid them completely if possible. (for example, don’t meet them anywhere or even cut off the contact completely which can be very tricky, if you live with them)

What’s really important to understand:

You CAN’T change or fix them. And pease, don’t try to!

Your energy is way too important as to waste it on trying to fix someone who doesn’t not know or understand that he needs to be fixed. The only person who can “fix” that is themselves. Trying to do that for them isn’t going to work in any way, shape or form, trust me! Oftentimes – if not always – they won’t believe you anyways.

My piece of advice on this: 

Save your energy for people who don’t make you feel bad about yourself. Spend your time and happiness on people who make you happy in return and who are in tune with themselves. This doesn’t mean to never give those a chance who deal with mental problems, but to seek for those you are beneficial to your life.

I want to encourage you to look for those who match your personality best and who don’t feel the need to treat you badly only to feel better about themselves. Energy vampires feed off of the negative emotions they create.

Don’t let them feed off of you.

1 Comment

  1. Pingback: Guide: How to make and maintain new friendships as an introvert – The German Introvert

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